Monday, June 02, 2008

The Monkey that made me a Sandwich

As vegans, we all face the vapid “what if you were deserted on a desert island and a monkey (which previously had been used as a test sample for Proctor and Gamble) and miraculously showed up on the same episode of Vegan-Vivisection Monkey Survivor – The Unnamed Island Series” made you a sandwich question…. Ad nauseum.
I’d like to address that question in first person, drawing upon personal experience.
History: I’ve not eaten of pork, nor pork product or byproduct for over 30 years. I resumed vegetarianism (AKA halfasstarianism) in 2006. I then realized my self aggrandizing posture that I had miraculously reduced veal consumption was an all out lie – to myself and the surrounding individuals who must have endured my outrageous self-righteousness and indignation.
And I got really sick. My left arm swelled to the size of a veal calf. I have not been keen on doctors, since one killed my husband through ineptitude. However, it was painful- and getting worse. Doctor sent me to emergency room. ER diagnosed as Deep Vein Thrombosis. Following day, hospitalist told me he’d cut me loose if I filled a prescription. I caved, frantic that I’d not be able (even with so called health insurance) to pay the bills.
I went to the pharmacy, they filled aforementioned prescription to the tune of $760.00 (it was a “designer drug”). The home “health” care aide informed me the insurance would not cover her visits of over $100.00 each. I was left to figure out how to de-traumatize myself into injecting (twice daily)…
Only AFTER I’d made it through the week long regime did I read the ingredients. The monkey made me a ham sandwich. It sucked.
I’ll never let a monkey make me a sandwich again. Next time I think I’m going to die, I’ll just lay real quietly and appreciate what I’ve had, and be grateful for it all.

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